Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it's great music for shaving your balls
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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