her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My bed smells like the plague
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
