why didn't you poke me back
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
