I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
