dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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