then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
