I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
