Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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