kristin has been a bad kristin
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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