I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
