First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
