wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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