I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Im part way to drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
