I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
