someone owes me an orgasm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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