If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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