she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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