Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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