Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
