You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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