no, he came in my armpit
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
