I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
