nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Semen is not good for contacts.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
