I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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