OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
