Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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