those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
