these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
