Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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