I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
