I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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