my phone needs a breathalizer
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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