id be glad to
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
