why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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