Only a mothe r could love this liver
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You ruined the universe
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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