I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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