somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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