She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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