he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
