I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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