if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
