Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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