Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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