Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
