shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can you repeat that, but with context?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
