just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize