Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
