I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
