I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
