how can u be prego again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
