I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
