if only i could text you this smell
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
