My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
