Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
