I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
