My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
