Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
