i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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