; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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