so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
