this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Of course I have a pirate flag
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
