i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
