What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize