I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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