..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
