well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
