I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
