Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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