I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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