"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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