whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
