Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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