you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
