Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
