i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
