i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
