i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
