My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
