I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
