i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
