very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want to make a zoo with you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Boobs speak an international language.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everyone says I win the strip club
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
