so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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