Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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