I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
