i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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