i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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