I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize