Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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