Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
