Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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