It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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