Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
FUCK WHALES
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
