Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
