where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
