Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
