then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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