i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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