Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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