She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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