alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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